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If you're already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. It's a sad state of affairs that teachers having sex with students is about as common as baseball players using steroids or internet comedy writers going to sleep cold and alone.

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Have you ever stared at a construction crane and thought to yourself "Man, I'd like to have me some sex on that"?

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However, we can chalk that up to folks who are a few a nuggets short of a happy meal. You'd think that at this point in history, we'd be semi-competent at good old-fashioned diplomacy.

Can’t get to sleep? Why having SEX before bed is the secret to drifting off

Consider this a great excuse to take things slow and enjoy lots of touching and kissing when you start having sex again. The end result was probably that particular train conductor having the most horrible image ever burned into his mind, next to that old folks communal shower thing. This woman should rather be given an award for being a super mum who gives all for her home.

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  1. While you may be able to get away with running into an In n Out burger with your penis in your hand, going through the drive-thru with an easily identifiable license plate slapped to the back of your car pretty much ensures that your left hand better be fast and furious if you hope to finish before the cops arrive.